When people ask me about my home country, I am always deliberately positive.\u00a0 I take great delight in pointing out that every country has its problems, and I take even more delight in dividing \u201cWhat We\u2019ve Heard\u201d stories by about eleventy-seven and then putting them into context.\u00a0 Nothing takes the wind out of sails as quickly as facts, presented clearly, with minimum hype or hysteria.<\/p>\n
I get asked all the time about \u201cHow Things Really Are\u201d in my country.\u00a0 I get asked \u201cIs It Safe?\u201d, \u201cAre The People Starving?\u201d, \u201cHow Do You Even Live There?\u201d etc.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t stop there.\u00a0 I also get told in no uncertain terms what they<\/em> think about How Things Really Are.\u00a0 I get told that It\u2019s Not Safe and that I Am Crazy Staying Here.\u00a0 And then I get the small sigh, the despondent shake of the head, the \u201cIt\u2019s such a shame.\u00a0 So sad.\u00a0 Such a waste.\u00a0 I feel sorry for you all.\u201d \u00a0Most of those people pontificate safely from well beyond the borders of my country. \u00a0Vomit icon to the power of eleventy-seven.<\/p>\n There\u2019s one group of people that doesn\u2019t do this – American tourists. \u00a0(I know – I’m generalising. \u00a0I apologise in advance for any offense I may cause, but please take it in the spirit in which it is intended.)<\/p>\n American tourists on the whole (bless them) are spectacularly disinterested in the politics, history or current affairs of any country other than their own.\u00a0 They are so refreshing, because they are simply here to Go On Safari, See The Big Five, Experience One of the Great Natural Wonders Of The Modern World.\u00a0 They are not interested in Bond Dollars, or Potholes, or the Free-Falling Economy.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure they even know which country they are actually in, because so many of them come to the Falls as part of a tour to South Africa, or Botswana, or Namibia.\u00a0 What\u2019s a border or two when you\u2019re in Africa \u2013 it\u2019s all basically the same place, right?<\/p>\n I love American tourists.\u00a0 They are so enthusiastic, stopping the bus to admire each monkey, baboon and warthog they chance upon.\u00a0 (They can never tell the difference between a monkey and a ba-boon, and anything they cannot identify is An Annelope.) \u00a0They exclaim loudly over every little bird, bug or beetle they see, and attribute human emotions and actions to everything.\u00a0 \u201cSee that ele over there, Randy? \u00a0Isn\u2019t he just the cutest?\u00a0 Oh my goodness, Randy, he\u2019s exposing himself, the naughty little guy.\u00a0 That\u2019s quite a dongle to dangle, I guess.\u00a0 Hahaha \u2013 naughty little guy.\u201d<\/p>\n They love everyone and talk (loudly) to everyone. \u00a0They call everyone by their first name, even when they can\u2019t pronounce it.\u00a0 \u201cSikhu-what?\u00a0 Can I just call you Sikhu? \u00a0It sure is great to meet ya, Sikhu.\u201d\u00a0 And they simply assume that everyone speaks American.<\/p>\n Without a trace of guile or sarcasm, they ask questions like, \u201cDoes that come in pink?\u201d as the poor curio vendor takes great pains to explain (in broken English) that elephants generally have black tail hairs, which is why the ele hair bangles most often come only in black, or perhaps a very dark brown.<\/p>\n American tourists listen intently and then they offer well-meaning advice on the fiscal advantages of having a range to choose from, and suggest the use of vegetable dyes and perhaps a touch of hemp seed or seaweed or oil of gibbetyflip, and recommend the latest Ted Talk they watched which was all about successful cottage-industries-gone-global in rural India.<\/p>\n The vendor nods enthusiastically, agrees to everything that is said, and convinces the delightful American tourist to buy a black one anyway.\u00a0 He\u2019ll have pink ones next time, he adds, helpfully.\u00a0 The American tourist hands over real American Dollars, gives him a business card, writes down a link to the Ted Talk in question, and walks away with satisfaction evident across his face.\u00a0 He\u2019s happy, the vendor is happy, the world is a better place.<\/p>\n American tourists are wonderful.<\/p>\n If you don\u2019t believe me, try being one for a day.\u00a0 Take everything you see at absolute face value. \u00a0Enjoy the moment in this place we call home \u2013 that bird, this bug, that crazy ele with his dongle dangling out.\u00a0 And when I say enjoy, I mean enter into it with every fibre of your being.\u00a0 Be enthusiastic.\u00a0 Laugh.\u00a0 Be present in the moment.\u00a0 Take photos.\u00a0 Greet everyone by name, even if you have to make one up.\u00a0 Shake hands with great gusto.\u00a0 Repeat what people say for the benefit of others who may not have heard the first time.\u00a0 \u201cDid you hear that, Randy?\u00a0 She\u2019s a Blogger.\u00a0 And she\u2019s 4th<\/sup> generation Zimbabwean, isn\u2019t that fantastic?\u201d<\/p>\n And it really is fantastic!\u00a0 I love<\/em> American tourists.<\/p>\n Thank you for coming to my country and not asking How Things Really Are. \u00a0Thank you for not telling me How They Really Are.\u00a0 Thank you for just being here, and for bringing your American Dollars and your effervescent enthusiasm for everything you see.\u00a0 Please come back, and bring more like you.\u00a0 We need more like you, to help change The Way Things Really Are.\u00a0 And I say that unreservedly, without a trace of sarcasm, or guile.<\/p>\n The vendor and I are going to start a range of Ele Hair Bangles in your honour.\u00a0 With a choice of all the colours we can possibly find.\u00a0 (Mostly black.\u00a0 And dark brown.)\u00a0 We\u2019re going to call it Siyabonga.<\/p>\n (You won\u2019t know what it means, but we do.)<\/p>\n Siyabonga, Randy.\u00a0 It sure was great to meet ya!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When people ask me about my home country, I am always deliberately positive.\u00a0 I take great delight in pointing out that every country has its problems, and I take even more delight in dividing \u201cWhat We\u2019ve Heard\u201d stories by about … Continue reading