There are certain things that One Just Does Not Do.\u00a0 You know \u2013 burp at a dinner party, lick your knife, flash your panties at the vicar\u2026that sort of thing.\u00a0 Another thing you Really Ought Not To Do is run over a dog belonging to One Of The Gals Who Came Last Time.<\/p>\n
For a start, it is not a very good way to make a new Best Friend.<\/p>\n
It is also not a very good way to start your 8th<\/sup> yoga session.<\/p>\n And it is DEFINITELY not a good way to make friends with the dog.<\/p>\n But there you have it.\u00a0 Some things just happen.\u00a0 And some things you could probably avoid happening, but they happen anyway, and it\u2019s only after they happen that you realise they really ought Not To Have Happened\u2026<\/p>\n But that is a bit too philosophical for the plain ugly truth \u2013 which is: I ran over Enzo. \u00a0Beloved little tiny dog of the family.\u00a0 Cute little furry thing with one blue eye and one brown.\u00a0 Sweetest little darling canine you have ever laid eyes upon.<\/p>\n And I ran him over. At yoga.\u00a0 With the Gals Who Came Last Time looking on in silent horror.<\/p>\n In my defence, (someone has to try and make this story a little more PC, and as I am The Blogger, it\u2019s really my duty to attempt it!) I think Enzo actually lay in wait that morning.\u00a0 He KNEW I was coming, hunkered down by the gate, waited for it to open and close several times (letting in all sorts of Gals Who Came Last Time with no incident), then positively LEAPT into action as my car arrived, stayed craftily out of sight then bolted, cunningly, straight under my back wheels.<\/p>\n Whilst I, quietly ignorant of the impending Disaster, merrily turned into the driveway, happily anticipating the 8th<\/sup> Yoga session, wondering if I would FINALLY make it to the ranks of a Last Time Gal\u2026only to come to a grinding, bumping, squealing halt\u2026on top of Enzo.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know if you have ever run anything over before, but believe me, it is Not Very Nice.\u00a0 Particularly not when what you have run over is clearly still under the wheel.\u00a0 And yelping.\u00a0 Very loudly.<\/p>\n I am not sure what you would have done, but I stopped.\u00a0 And then sat there, rather stupidly wondering what I ought to do next.\u00a0 Even when one of the horrified Last Time Gals said, very calmly, \u201cJust reverse \u2013 he\u2019s OK, you\u2019re on his tail \u2013 reverse\u2026\u201d it took me a while to process this instruction.<\/p>\n And a while longer to actually contemplate doing it.<\/p>\n And a while longer while I considered the merits of reversing, as against going forward, or of not going anywhere at all\u2026<\/p>\n I mean, *(^%$\u00a3@@!!!! I was ON TOP OF ENZO.\u00a0 Teeny tiny weeny little Enzo.\u00a0 In my (very large and very heavy) car.\u00a0 I had felt the bump.\u00a0 Actually bump is far too sedate.\u00a0 I had felt the whack, smack, thud, and squish of Enzo Under Wheel.\u00a0 And I was acutely aware that he was STILL Under Wheel. And still yelping\u2026<\/p>\n And that any movement, forward, backward, or anything short of levitation (and I have not got that far in yoga yet) would result in Something Horrible\u2026Not to mention my permanent and definite exclusion from Yoga, the premises, the Last Time Club, and possible spill-over into society at large and any public place I may dare to show my face in the future\u2026<\/p>\n I was so busy imagining the Epitaph (Here lies Enzo \u2013 so Sweet, so Loved, and so Squashed\u2026\u00a0 etc and so on) that I am afraid it took a fair few moments for me to process the (by now hysterical) instructions from the sidelines\u2026to REVERSE!<\/p>\n Which I eventually did, releasing poor Enzo\u2019s tail.\u00a0 Whereupon he literally FLEW through the air, took off like a bat out of hell, and ran indignantly out of sight.<\/p>\n And I parked my car and prayed to the God Of Gurus and Yogis and Anything That Would Help Enzo that I had not killed him\u2026(I had not, it turns out.\u00a0 Luckily.)<\/p>\n Enzo went to the Vet and got better.\u00a0 Enzo came home and now starts howling (very loudly) and running (very convincingly) and cowering (very heart breakingly) behind his owner whenever I am near\u2026<\/p>\n And, 8 weeks on, \u00a0with Enzo happily still alive and well (if a bit emotionally traumatised and slightly psychotic in my presence), I am very nearly almost a Last Time Gal\u2026except I have problems with some of the terminology, still cannot do a Sun Salutation, and simply CANNOT hear the words Downward Facing Dog without wanting to throw up\u2026.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There are certain things that One Just Does Not Do.\u00a0 You know \u2013 burp at a dinner party, lick your knife, flash your panties at the vicar\u2026that sort of thing.\u00a0 Another thing you Really Ought Not To Do is run … Continue reading